Anger is the worst enemy of any person. We all know this very well and yet we all easily succumb to this temptation day in day out. It is not a vice by any standards, it is just a dangerous state of mind. A state which stays only for a few seconds, but leaves its dirty traces for a long time to come in every life it touches.
So how is that we can keep away from this? I am thinking this loud as among all of us winsix, I am worst affected by this - I am both a perpetrator and a victim to this malaise. Each time it happened I came out much more badly mauled than before, much more traumatized than before and much more victimized than before.
Counting 1 - 10, taking deep breath, walking away from the scene - none of these remedies seem to be practical. It may work only for mild anger situations but not deep anger situations. The only way seems to be complete self control all the time - what I mean here is that it requires complete inner transformation of an individual and not just a superficial makeover which is manifested just at the time of situation. Anger control should be addressed at the root and not at the symptomatic level. Most of the therapies today only address the symptom and not the root. Thus the solution is only short-term and only works occasionally.
Meditation and yoga may work - but i have seen many people who meditate also lose their temper. I am not finding fault with the technique of yoga itself - i am very confident that in the long run it will work miracles. But by that time it yields results, the disaster is deep and irrevocable. Moreover the solution we come up with should be easily understood by everyone and results should be seen much more sooner.
So let us dissect and see what it means by addressing the issue by root. I want all of you to put in your ideas as to whether you agree with my statement. Also each of you let me know what are you ways of tackling anger. We will evolve this into an interesting concept and see if we can come up with something valuable.
I will post more into the blog tomorrow...
Until then good bye guys...
"A state which stays only for a few seconds, but leaves its dirty traces for a long time to come in every life it touches."
ReplyDeleteWell put!
This is one of the great risks that we need to learn to live with. We cannot avoid it completely. But we need to constantly equip ourselves to minimize the damage.
There is one more subject that goes well with this. Fear Management. Unlike other animals, only Humans can go beyond their instincts of survival for existence.
A tiger cannot control its anger. Likewise a dear cannot control its fear. Only we have the ability to reason out and overcome these hurdles.
So the first thing we need to tell ourself (which is true actually) is that we are different from animals and we can very well overcome our anger.
Second thing we need to understand is anger is a good thing! We need to divert that anger energy to the right channels. We need to understand the root of our anger in order to do that. (This is where Yoga, meditation or exercise helps us). What is that we are angry about? There are certain things we can control, certain things which we cannot control or have limitations. Divert that anger towards the things which are under our control.
All said it is not that easy to practice:). For example if I get angry on how my wife is behaving? How do I divert that angry positively? That will lead to a whole new discussion :)
Enough of my bhashan!
HI Shyam
ReplyDeleteThanks for you lovely bhashan. I am on real high after seeing your comment. You know I started blogging because Nandu started and this is my first ever comment and very good one.
I want you to help give me more examples on how to divert anger as i have not heard of this solution before and it seems to be an interesting one to try out. I need inputs very badly and you know why...
Thanks a lot again, Shyam
First, don't try to fight against it. After all, its a a feeling, which is fleeting like any other feelings. Just try using it constructively. Sometimes, it could be the most appropriate one too. Even the greatest peace-maker Lord Krishna was angry at times. Isn't it! And it becomes a relative thing many times. At the expense of what? What would be the most appropriate feeling or action when you see your 3 year old trying to insert a slate-pencil in the mouth of your 6 month old baby?! Also depends on our set of personal values. One of my friend was telling at a time: "I would be happy with a man who drinks and beats me at times, but still loves me; than with a man who has no bad qualities, and yet doesn't love me." I am not sure how relevant this example is here. I am just trying to emphasize that nothing is purely good or purely bad. It's always a relative term. However choose the one which does the greatest good. Choose/choosing comes into picture, only when the context leaves some time and space to think. When we don't have enough time or space to react, ....that's when our trained mind could help. Don't feel you are a victim of it. Who knows what would have happened if you weren't angry or reacted the way you reacted. It would have caused much more malice.
ReplyDeleteJust believe whatever happened is for the good. Whatever to happen is still better. This is the way you could avoid being in the downward spiral, and rise up.
When you try to fight or resist against something, mostly it will not have positive effects. You tend to focus indirectly on the negative picture of what you don't want. You would feel beaten-up. Instead focus on ways to calm or quieten your mind. Then automatically what you do not want will fall apart. Regards ways of achieving it, yes you are right. Practicing Yoga, Meditation, Pranayama though slowly, surely will bring lasting results. Keep doing your best towards this. Each of us are unique. This universe is made of varied unique individuals. Just accepting the world as it is and knowing that we aren't responsible for another adult, sometimes helps us not to react.
Having said this, I agree totally that it's not as easy as saying, and quite challenging to put into practice, especially on the spur. I myself struggle with it, and trying to quieten myself using the same practices listed: Yoga, Pranayama, Meditation. I look forward to hear to all your constructive feedback.
Ravindra, See if the following helps you in any way. I read it in the book titled, "The Art of Happy Living" By G.D. Budhiraja. It is on page 36. I am typing the exact words in that book below:
ReplyDelete"Positive anger: If we can understand anger and use its force in an intelligent way, we can transform it and use it to our advantage. Mahatma Gandhi was thrown out of a train in South Africa. Anybody in that position would feel insulted and angry. Mahatma Gandhi did something wonderful - he got angry, no doubt, but not with the person who threw him out. He directed his anger at the system - apartheid - and decided to work for freedom. That was his revenge. He converted his anger into a positive strength. If you express anger at every little thing, you are wasting it. Therefore, some thinking is needed. Situations that make you angry are like the postman who brings you bad news. You are not angry with the postman. He is just the messenger. Use your anger to eradicate the bad system.
It requires wisdom to know what is good or bad. If we are angry against crime, poverty or injustice, it is good, for then we will use our power to improve things. Selfish anger is bad but anger for the benefit and welfare of society is not bad. If our anger creates a force and power within us, it is positive."